A month or two ago I was going through old CDs and I decided to put on the Phantasy Star Online soundtrack. I hadn't listened to it in a while, and when I did...it startled me. I believe I got PSO soon after it was released, which according to Wikipedia was November 2000. I played it often for several months. (Only single player, really.)
November 2000 was a time in my life when I was trying desperately to finish college. I was sick of it and I wanted to do something else; I wanted to graduate, but my social anxiety was making it hard. I was living alone in an apartment in Cambridge, walking to and from school most days. I was seeing a psychotherapist, and he was great, but he wasn't a cure-all. The stress in my life had triggered a certain amount of depression as well. I still had a ways to go in figuring out how to manage my life and my mind.
When I listened to that soundtrack, I remembered that time. I suddenly felt lonely
. It was startling how intense the sensation was...and how I didn't remember being that lonely at the time (probably because I was kind of messed up).
I don't like feeling lonely. I don't want
to feel lonely. So, tomorrow I am going to visit midomi
. And I am bringing her back to move in with me.
I don't feel lonely now. Somehow I feel...confident